Hair and Skin Care

Some people say.......

but we find we need a little something more.

Here is what we've been doing since Bete arrived home almost 10 months ago! I have to say that I just LOVE Bethlehem's hair. It has been so fun to try different products and figure out what works best for her - and I'm still learning and trying new things. It seems like every time I think I've found the perfect routine or product that her hair changes (or the weather) and she needs things a little different.

I wasn't sure what was best to take with us to Ethiopia, but her hair had been shaved just over 2 months before, so I figured just taking something to add a little moisture would be safe. We were packing light, so I took a travel sized (1 oz) container of Burt's Bees Apricot Baby Oil that I already had on hand. The oil is basically just apricot kernel oil and grapeseed oil with a few extracts to make it smell yummy. I used it on both her hair and her skin and I noticed both softened up right away (her hair was a bit coarse and her skin a little chapped (on her cheeks especially) when she was first placed in our arms). At Hannah's Hope I noticed they had Johnson & Johnson baby oil they were using on the babies, and since this is primarily mineral oil, I was not surprised to notice an immediate improvement. As well as it worked in country, I knew it was not our long term solution for hair and skin care.


While we were waiting between referral and travel, I purchased some different oils (grapeseed, neem, shea nut, coconut, jojoba) and butters (shea and cocoa) to make some of my own products. For hair, I made a blend of shea butter, coconut oil, and jojoba oil, and for skin a blend of shea butter, coconut oil, and then adding cocoa butter or shea nut oil, or grapeseed oil, or whatever I feel like adding on that particular day. I made small batches and changed the amounts and ingredients frequently.

I also purchased:
Aubrey Organics Honeysuckle Rose conditioner for dry brittle hair
(From Amazon when I saw a good sale ($7) with $0.99 shipping)
Aubrey Organics Island Naturals Replenishing Shampoo for dry frizzy hair
(from Goodwill of all places! $.99 for an unopened bottle)
Alaffia Virgin Coconut & Shea Enriching Hair Lotion for curly hair
(Whole Foods $8.99 - yay for gift cards!)
Alaffia Shea & Virgin Coconut Enriching Shampoo for curly hair
(Travel size $2.99)
Curly Q Milkshake
(Amazon on sale ($8) with free shipping)

For a daily hair spritz leave-in/detangler, I used distilled water and about 1 Tbls of either the Honeysuckle Rose Conditioner, or the Alaffia Hair Lotion and shake it all up in a spray bottle.

At this point, I stepped back to consider the fact I'd spent far more than the $5 expenditure for buying one small bottle of natural baby shampoo for Abigail when she was born 2.5 years before. We are actually still using that same bottle and are only .25 of the way through the bottle. I only wash her hair once a week and only use shampoo if she's gotten something really messy in her hair. I've only used soap on her 3-4 times in her entire 3 years. (I read an article when Abigail was still inside me about how most baby hygiene products were unnecessary as are every day baths - and I have found that to be so true!) Curly hair and dry skin is a whole different ball game! I found I was really enjoying having a different hair/skin texture to take care of.

Interesting challenge #1: One thing I didn't think about was that when I started rubbing oils and lotions into Bethlehem's skin and hair Abigail would want me to do the same to her! So after I rubbed Bete down for her daily massage (first 4 months home), I would do the same for Abigail - and just 'pretend' when we got to her hair. :) I made a spritz bottle with plain water in it to spritz Abigial's hair with after I spritzed Bete's with leave-in conditioner/detangler (if she asked for some). At the same time, I would also explain how her and Bete's skin and hair is different and that Bethlehem's hair and skin need different care than Abigail's.

For the first few months our daily hair routine went something like this:

Morning: Spritz with leave-in/detangler, add Alaffia hair lotion, or Curly Q Milkshake, or homemade hair butter. (I would use one of these particular product exclusively between hair wash times so as not to have reactions/build up)

Afternoon: Usually after nap or riding in the car seat, which would make the back of her head all fuzzy, I would spritz with the leave-in stuff just to freshen her hair up a bit.

Night-time: Very small amount of coconut oil or home-made shea butter/coconut oil blend. Whatever I put on her hair at this point, I also rub a little on her face.

Every two or three days: Small amount of jojoba oil along hairline and rubbed into scalp.

Once a week: co-wash - wash her hair with conditioner instead of shampoo.

Once a month: Wash with shampoo and conditioner.

At this point, I didn't use a comb or anything but my fingers to do her hair. Her hair was pretty short and didn't get very tangled, and these tangles could be removed with my fingers.

Challenge #2: Bethlehem absolutely hated having me touch her hair. Didn't matter how gentle I was, she would scream and scream anytime I tried to do it. Enough so that I felt like it was damaging our attachment. It wasn't willful 'I don't like what you are doing so stop' kind of crying. It was screams that would turn into gut wrenching sobs that would go on for 30-40 minutes AFTER I was done doing her hair. And since the routine was pretty simple with no styling, it only took about 3-5 minutes a day to do her hair! I don't know what was causing this - was it because in Ethiopia she had her head shaved for a scalp IV and the scalp IV was super painful so she associates her hair being touched with pain?? I didn't know, and still don't. But what I did know was that my baby girl was hurting, we were both ending up in tears over hair time every morning, spending almost an hour cuddling and rocking after hair time every morning and it just wasn't working. Distractions, toys, singing, mirrors and snacks were not working. So I asked some of my other adoptive mama friends to pray. And when I did her hair every morning I prayed. And within a week things were 100 times better!!! She still doesn't LIKE having her hair done and has a VERY sensitive scalp. She cries when I wash her hair, and I have pretty much put styling on the back burner - but in the last few weeks, she has been asking me to style her hair! She will bring me a hair clip or a bow and ask me to put it in. She is MUCH more patient when I'm detangling her now-much-longer hair and she LOVES to look at herself in the mirror after I'm done!

As her hair has gotten longer and she is so much more active (getting her hair tangled more), I'm needing to make some changes. Curlz.biz was having a 20% off sale the other day and since I had some money leftover from Bete's baby shower, I decided to use it to buy the whole line and try that. My friend M's little girl R has VERY similar hair and this is what they use with great success - I'm excited to try and see how it works for us. I'm also starting to use a comb on her hair as well as finger detangling.

I think to date, my favorite purchased products are the Alaffia hair lotion and shampoo. If I had a boy with the same hair as Bete, but kept it short, I would probably use just those two products along with a spritz made from distilled water and the hair lotion and a little coconut oil at night. I like how the Honey Suckle Rose Conditioner works, but I find the smell VERY floral and VERY strong.

The product I have used the most is my homemade stuff - it is WAY cheaper than the others and very natural, which I like. I am going to work on perfecting it and am planning to try whipping it with some vegetable glycerin to make it a little more lotion like.

Skin wise, I really like what we are using (the homemade stuff) and her skin is very soft and smooth. The blend is solid at room temp, but dissolves into oil consistency in my hand - it absorbs very quickly and only stays oily on her skin for about 1 minute. A similar product that can be purchased is Shea Me Some Love from here .

I recently went into a local AA beauty salon/beauty supply shop to ask about products. The lady who helped me looked at Bete's hair and said "Why are you looking for something different? It looks like whatever you are using is working great!" Made me feel good! :)